Life-Proofing

As parents, we spend hours babyproofing. This child born to us is our responsibility, our love, our life. He needs to be protected. Clearly. And so we protect. We install cabinet locks, outlet covers, gate the stairs, attach heavy furniture to walls. We make dozens of attempts to cover every corner, every hard surface. And we hide every tiny small thing away. In locked boxes. Far, far above baby height, above child height, above my height (yes... that is still child height, I suppose).

For LIttle number one. We do all that for Little number 1. For Little number 2, we're a bit more laid back. Relaxed. Been there, done that. Ruined my walls, cabinets and banisters with holes to hold the gear. By the time Little Number 2 is toddling, he's already been taught by LIttle Number 1 how to open the cabinet and beat out toddler rendition of Driving in My Big Red Car with wooden spoon and sauce pot.

And by the time the Littles are old enough for us to un-babyproof, the family has grown so used to getting around the proofs, they're easily forgotten. They become used for recognition. Was that the ding of the gate opening? Little 2 is going to the potty. Hear the plastic against metal of the door handle? Little 1 is hungry for a snack.

When do we have to learn to say "no"? We can't just keep proofing through life. I can't keep hiding my toys; keeping closets locked, hiding holiday presents behind locked doors. Naturally, children are curious, but when does curiousity stop? It doesn't. It won't. Even an 65 year old grandparent is dying to know what's hiding behind a closet door.

The difference is that the grandparent is trusted. She knows not to open the closet door, because its forbidden. She's been asked not to. She understands. She recognizes respect.

Do the children? By babyproofing to an extreme, are we instilling trust and respect? Children need to learn that respect is a key element in life. Its something no babyproofing specialist can install. Its the parents responsibility to install self-restraint.

And that starts early. It starts in expectations, declarations and rules. Plainly: No. Means. No. The earlier parents start teaching this to the children, the sooner they'll learn respect and self-restraint. And the sooner they'll learn to babyproof their own lives.

Yes, we should still babyproof--its a matter of safety. But babyproofing need not replace direction from parents. Only when parents learn to say no, will children learn to respect it.